2 2 S p i r i t ua l i t y S t u d i e s 2 - 2 Fa l l 2 0 1 6 2 My Acknowledgement Experiment 2.1 Why Acknowledgement? As a full-time academic, I have met and come to know many students. Some I have known for the four years during which they studied at the university in which I teach and research. Others I met only in their final year, or if they took a course that I taught as an elective. There are many students with whom I have maintained close contact, often via social media, which helps in maintaining ties during a time when many young adults are travelling or moving in order to accommodate for new opportunities. As the fall, 2015 semester concluded, I wondered if my students knew how profoundly they had affected me. Did they realize that I remember so many of their contributions to class, experiences shared, challenges given and accepted? Did they know that I remember them, and think about them even many years later? At the same time, I was particularly impressed with the convictions of a variety of people in my life. For example, a close friend embarked on a years-long dream of being an artist; she began painting, posting her work on Instagram and Facebook, and even sold much of her work. In another arena, a colleague had been tasked with a particularly important leadership role and was working with most admirable integrity and enthusiasm. In a more personal context, I observed an acquaintance who had what seemed to me a wonderful relationship with her husband – one which included trust and joviality, and for which I hope in my own life. All of the people about whom I was thinking had done or were doing something noteworthy, admirable, and/or inspiring. I noticed them, their work, their beliefs, and their ways of conducting themselves. It became clearer and clearer to me that I needed and wanted to reach out to these people to tell them that I saw what they were doing, and that I admired them. The sentiment that I wanted to communicate was direct and unique to each individual. To them I wished to express some common sentiments: I see you. I remember you. You make a difference. 2.2 Acknowledgement Versus Gratitude As I reflected upon what I wanted to convey to my students, friends, family, and colleagues, I realized that what I wanted to communicate was not the same as gratitude. I believe that gratitude is a wonderful thing to practice, and it has provided significant benefit to many people. It has the powerful potential to turn one’s psychology from negative to positive (for example, Kralik 2011; Bartholomew and Bartholomew 2013). However, my reflection led me to recognize that when expressing gratitude, one is focused upon oneself. For example, one may think, “I am grateful to have [some thing or some experience]”. Gratitude may be for beautiful weather, a love- ly meal, good health, the company of a good friend. All such things are of benefit to the individual – one is grateful for the positive asset as it relates to their own state of being. Gratitude focuses on “me” or “I”. By contrast, acknowledgement is not at all about oneself. Its focus is the recipient, and in context of respect and admiration – what Buber (1937/1970) calls a relationship with the “Thou”. Buber illustrated the importance of relationships in context of the sacred by arguing that humans relate to others as either “It” or “Thou”, the latter being a more reverent, meaningful relationship. When one considers others in context of “It”, the other is independent of oneself, and one may experience, use, or relate to another as a distinctly separate individual. Rather, when one relates to another as “Thou”, the relationship is one of reverence, and the interconnectedness between and amongst individuals is recognized. This interconnectedness is integral to the divine relationship, whereby the discrete boundaries between individuals are dissolved, and common humanity and spirituality is known. This dissolving of boundaries and spiritual connection is what I wanted to achieve in my acknowledgement experiment. I sought to connect with others in ways that recognized that we are not bound by what Buber calls “subject-object” parameters. The subject-object relationship is one in which separateness is the pervading sentiment – each person is separate from all others. These parameters often exist in expressions of gratitude, in which one may do a favour for another and some benefit is exchanged. I sought to recognize the “subject-subject” relationship, whereby both parties are unified and mutual sharing is evident. I intended that the recipient of my expression of acknowledgement felt understood on a level far more sophisticated than in provid-
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